Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they
wouldn’t notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You
were worried for nothing.”

2. When everyone goes around to say what they
are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse to say
anything more.

3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen,
toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce
that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake

4. Prepare a several
hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary,
insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad’s not
looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes
into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV.

Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to
exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.


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